As I sit here late Sunday night before this busy Mother's Day week begins, I am reflecting on the mom I will be missing next Sunday. Teresa died on March 25th. She was 84 years old and was dealing with advancing dementia. It's grip has been slow but that week before her death, for the first time, she did not know my brother. Quite a bit unsettling for him as one can imagine and my fear every time I called her on the phone or walked into her room at the nursing home. But it was my brother who was the first one of us she did not recognize as her son, but rather her own brother and introduced him as such to a nurses aid that day. Only a few days before, she was convinced my daughter brought her her dinner that day. My husband and I have 3 sons, no daughters. And on the day after her death, I realized her confusion was probably our son's girlfriend she was referring to. She had just gotten a job at the nursing home which I told Mom about days earlier. That may have been the root of the confusion, which now makes it explainable, at least in my mind.
I know she is in a better place now and in no pain, with a clear mind, back with my dad, who died 30 years ago and my grandmother who died when mom was 9 years old. Even with that, I will be missing her on Mother's Day. There's a void now in my life and I miss being able to talk to her. And I really needed her last week when one of our sons was going through a crisis. She would have been the one to lean on and pour my heart out to. I can still talk to her, but it's just not the same. But, it's only been 6 weeks and I know it will take time to grieve the loss. Alas, I can rationalize the loss in my head but my heart will take more time.
